If you find yourself strategizing how to get or keep a lover, take a step back. Using strategy is a sign of a closed heart, and what happens on the emotional plane cannot be planned or predicted. If you need a plan of action, try being real; which is to say, honest about your feelings. This is a matter of vulnerability. You might feel like it's someone else who's not quite open, though even if that were true, you could still respond by staying close to your feelings. If you discover that the past is in the way (such as resentment, guilt, or the feeling that you just cannot please someone), stick with those feelings, too. The real obstacle may be something from your own past entirely unrelated to what seems to be going on. Notice if you feel like you need to prove something to someone; notice if the discussion omits the emotional level; there would be reasons for these things. Ultimately, you will need to submit yourself to what actually means something to you: what matters, what makes a difference, or some motive you have for living and being, rather than being in a relationship. Any encounter between you and another person must be based on common ground, and your part in this is to know intimately the ground on which you stand.