- Amanda Painter
You can’t get justice on past wrongs done to you by punishing yourself now with intense self-criticism. Similarly, punishing those close to you now who mimic those who hurt you in your early years won’t help, either. Those strategies only lead to unhelpful things like low self-esteem (or outright self-hatred) and repeating abusive cycles. There is another way to deal with it all.
That way forward and out is suggested by the chart for when Mercury stations direct in Libra this Friday, Oct. 9, at 10:57 am EDT. Mercury’s change of apparent direction occurs in the very first degree of Libra. (Note: the days on either side of the station can feel especially chaotic or scattered, so try to stay focused and take your time with things.)
In Libra, we know that issues of relationship and justice are at play. With Mercury involved, we know that how we think about and communicate these ideas (especially with those closest to us) is the focus. Keep your antennae tuned for any new ‘truth’ that emerges Friday.
At the moment that Mercury stations, the Moon and Mars are exactly conjunct in Virgo (with Jupiter close by), and opposite Neptune in Pisces. Venus is in the first degree of Virgo exactly opposite the centaur object Nessus; Venus and Nessus are both square Saturn in Sagittarius.
Eric Francis gave a thorough and humane description of this astrology in this week’s Planet Waves FM, so I’m going to recap and riff on some of the ideas he talked about; they really are that important.
One of the things described by the Moon, Mars and Venus all so close together in Virgo is the potential to be especially critical, fussy or stingy—especially toward yourself. Those qualities in the extreme are not healthy for any relationship, including your relationship with yourself. Always picking at your supposed defects wears on your self-esteem; that is, your self-respect.
But where does such behavior, when it has become ingrained, come from originally? It does not come from you being an inferior being. Trust me.
Across the wheel in Pisces, Nessus is an illustration of a cycle that may go back generations. A cycle that worms its way in before you are old enough to know what’s happening; before you are able to realize that your parents are not gods, that they are not always right, and that it is not your duty to be just like them or to meet their expectations that you should be.
Now, it could be that you had parents who were pretty good about not projecting their crap onto you; if so, you may not carry around much internalized guilt or shame. But many people do find that guilt and shame define much of what they feel about themselves—such as guilt about your true desires in life, shame about your sexuality, or guilt about wanting to ‘do your own thing’.
This guilt and shame are really judgments from others that you have internalized from a young age. Internalized judgment can metastasize into some truly debilitating self-hatred. You don’t have to stay there.
What is the way out? How do you get some of the “justice” in your life, for yourself and your self-esteem, mentioned in the first paragraph? It comes through Saturn in Sagittarius, making a T-square with Venus in Virgo and Nessus in Pisces.
Saturn can seem intimidating, because Saturn asks us to work for what we want and need. Yet it rewards that work. In this T-square formation, you can use it like a lever and fulcrum: something with which to push what would otherwise be an unwieldy burden. However, you still have to provide the energy and impetus for movement.
To get out from under the ‘authority’ of internalized parental judgment in the form of guilt and shame, you have to become your own authority. That is, you have to take responsibility for your own healing journey. As Eric explains in the podcast, this is not the same as taking on the blame for what was done to you. The blame belongs elsewhere.
Taking responsibility for where you’re at -- without taking things out on yourself or others -- means finding some help. It means seeking out a good therapist: someone who can act as in impartial mirror, mentor and guide while you find your way through the fog and come to some clarity about your worth.
You are on this planet at the moment Mercury stations direct at the point where personal and collective meet and resonate. This message of worth is meant for you just as much as it might be meant for anybody else. What will you do with it?