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For January 2012


There is something about sex that you seem to be trying to work through with every cell in your body. I will start by saying this: You cannot simultaneously exist in a world dominated by vanity, glamour, and the appearance of purity at the same time you reach for authenticity, healing, and being clear about your desires. You must choose to exist in one world or the other. The first set of properties describes a way of life that is based on cloaking yourself in various illusions, while the second is about going deeper than appearances and reaching the substance of who you are and what you have to share. When we talk about sexual healing, we might well ask what exactly we would strive to resolve, correct, or improve. I would propose, first, that you would benefit from being real about what you want, and noticing any fear or guilt that comes up as you name the specifics. Then make an inventory of the situations in your life where love and guilt are transacted as if they are equivalents. Last, check in where you are attempting to experience intimacy without vulnerability, or vulnerability without trust. These three things—intimacy, vulnerability, and trust—together combine to form this thing we outwardly label “love.” The risky territory you’re exploring involves working out just that formula, but beware that to get there, you may have to move many lesser values out of the way. To accomplish that, you must be vigilant.

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