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Raising Sex-Positive Kids

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Expressiveness in girls is crucial to encourage for two main purposes: their ability to share difficult experiences, and their empowerment in speaking out and defending themselves. "Letting your child lead the conversation, or lead the play when they are younger, creates a space where your child trusts you to share things such as, 'Oh, one of the boys grabs my behind at school' or 'I saw a video with naked people on the internet.'" Parents can practice not reacting in fear or letting their anxiety show, but opening a space to calmly help and guide them. In turn, some self-defense teachers have girls practice yelling on the top of their lungs and using their voice, so if they are assaulted or groped in the subway or on the street, they can call attention to the perpetrator and get help if help is needed.

To raise sex-positive kids requires some work from the parents, and not all of it is easy. If a parent has any sexual trauma or abuse in their own past, it's essential for them to be willing to face and work through it, not only for their own sake but for their children's sake. Otherwise, says Muñoz, "In your well-intentioned desire to protect your children, you're going to be communicating a lot of sex-negative messages to them." Another challenge for parents is resisting the impulse to impose their power as adults over their children in everyday interactions. "What they learn there is, 'Oh, I have to obey somebody more powerful than me even if it doesn't feel good,'" says Muñoz. "Not telling your child they have to obey isn't the same thing as having the inmates run the asylum. Instead it's telling them, 'I'm with you. We work as a team.'"


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