This is farewell, sadly, this is goodbye.
I'm not leaving town and not soon to die.
I'm not taking off for somewhere on high,
It's just the end of the column, oh sigh and sigh.
Chronogram tells me that they are changing
it's time for new things and for rearranging
It's not that I'm tired or downed by old age.
There's a new editor and she wants a new page.
There's nothing lascivious, sexy, or lewd
that's caught up to me, to get me me-too'd.
There's no investigation, looking for crimes,
or condemning me for very bad rhymes.
There's no hidden scandal, don't look for a clue.
I know it's boring, but it's actually true.
I had a great run, and I had a great time
writing in prose and sometimes in rhyme.
I wrote as I wanted and got coins in my purse
with only one rule, that it had to be terse.
There's nothing better, and there's lots that is worse.
So I say thank you, in this doggerel verse.
I had a great editor, and I ain't lying
so I'll mention his name, Mahoney, Brian.
It was a great time to write commentary,
for the Chronogram company called Luminary.
Thank you Jason Stern, whom I've so rarely seen,
for publishing an artful and unique magazine.
Nine hundred to a thousand words at the most,
trying to be informative and not grandiose.
Trying to make the complex, simple, and clear
and entertaining enough that you'd want to hear.
It's been an era in which everything changed
as we think it gets better, it gets more deranged.
The Age of Spin turned into the Age of Lies,
and that revolution has been televised.
The creeping and crawling propaganda machines
are tweeting and twisting all over our screens.
Long ago, lying would get you the axe,
now everyone's entitled to "alternative facts."
So much is happening with all of this.
Twists, tumbles, and turns, I'll be sorry to miss.
The elites keep failing, day after day.
And the Clown King keeps on having his way
with his crew of buffoons, scroungers, crooks
determined to let us never look at the books.
Our senators smirk with full-frontal hypocrisy,
will the republic fall to become a kleptocracy?
What me, worry? What's there to fear?
With a Supreme Court Justice that really likes beer.
He's in the new style and in the new fashion,
he commits perjury with unrestrained passion.
He's not alone, there are many that do it,
Mnuchin, Sessions, DeVos, and Scott Pruitt.
The Attorney General in his suit of dark blue
is out there in front of us doing perjury, too.
But let's give credit where credit's due,
he tries to mislead while being literally true.
That's not easy when it's put to the test,
forcing him to grapple "with the word 'suggest.'"
The Washington Post counts the president's lies
which is like tracking mosquitoes and flies.
Wouldn't the count be much better to do
of things he says that are actually true?
If he speaks the truth, is it just accidental,
is it intended, or random and coincidental?
More vital than a porn star with really big hooters
are 650 ex-fed prosecutors
saying the evidence is good for obstruction of justice,
if he weren't the Prez, he would be busted.
There's more than enough to go and indict.
It's a feast, a treat, a prosecutor's delight.
Don't you want to know why he's always rootin'
for his special Russian friend, Vladimir Putin?
It still makes no sense for so many lies
if there aren't some kind of special Russian ties.
Far be it from me to make allegations,
but what's being said in his secret conversations?
Trump said trade wars are easily won.
Did anyone ask him to name just one?
The actual wins came at the point of a gun
as when Britain forced China to buy opium.
Honduras, Nicaragua, those wars were a hoot
for Chiquita Banana and for United Fruit.
What's the game, what's the new plan—
a Wag the Dog moment with Iran?
Another John Bolton demented obsession?
His mustache causing excessive aggression?
Or will they launch a war as a public event
to build support for a desperate president?
Twenty-three Dems are already in the race,
where will they ever find the time and space?
There's Bennet, Biden, Bullock, and Booker
vying to get into the pressure cooker.
There's Gravel, Harris, and Hickenlooper
competing to be our super-trooper.
There's Sanders, Warren, Ryan, and Yang
all joining in with this impressive gang.
There's O'Rourke, Inslee, Moulton, and Castro
each of them knowing the right way to go.
The media will treat it mostly like a race
who's last, who's first, who's stuck in second place.
They'll count who's raising the most money
and call out the gaffes that seem really funny.
But some genuine ideas will be in contention,
Worthy of thought and some real attention.
It may sound hackneyed, cliched, and trite:
keep fighting the good fight and trying to do right.
I'm sorry to go, but it's not in a hearse.
There's no reason to complain, whine, moan, or curse.
So I say my goodbye with this cheery verse.