If you're picking up some form of anger, pain, or guilt, that's unlikely to be on the instinctual level. If you are picking up something that feels more like hunger, that's more likely to be on the level of your biology.
However, we do have a few possible issues related to pain and the need for healing. One of them is embarrassment. If you feel guilt or shame associated with desire, that's calling for healing—and to seek that healing you would have to admit your underlying desire.
Another is not knowing where to begin your healing process; being overwhelmed with confusion or frustration at where to start. It's necessary to place trust in the hands of someone who is helping you. If you don't, you're closed down to being helped. Often trust is impacted by repeated failed attempts, or betrayals. That does not mean your desire is wrong. Nor does how often you were told it was wrong, or told others theirs was wrong, make your desire wrong.
What if you were actually to stand in your desire, and admit it openly? Do you think you would become a savage, insatiable animal? Or could you manage your hunger like an adult—you know, Chinese, sushi, or stay home and boil some spaghetti?
The answer may come down to how you feel you will be perceived. It's just strange: Craving sushi or spaghetti does not make you a glutton.
Lately I've been revealing a series of teachings I've learned in the process of my tantric studies. Here is one for you. In sexual relationships, women are the teachers. We are all birthed from the cosmos of the female body and the emotional sphere of the female experience of sex. In this sense, there is something inherently cosmic about the female. Honoring this, tantric wisdom suggests that it's women who initiate everyone into birth and, by association, into death; and along the way, into sexual reality.
Yet there's a question of what to do in a society where so many women are so injured, feel so broken, are angry at sex, and angry at men. There is a question of what to do when so many women, who are our teachers, have been convinced and continue to convince themselves that they are something other than human.
This is a challenging question. I don't have an answer, though I think that we might get some help from returning to the physical, body-level of existence where all this stuff we're perceiving is happening. Were women to follow the instinctual rather than programmed level of their reality, I believe it would lead to a balanced, healthy, and expressive mode of emotional and sexual exchange.
The thing is, at some point, openly admitted desire must enter the discussion. One cannot teach effectively, and raise the level of consciousness, and be in denial at the same time. This would go against our society's current trend of criminalizing all desire.
A second possibility may be found in men who have made contact with their feminine side—a great many have. Many, many men have cultivated their feminine side and have in a sense adopted the preserver energy (inherently female), which has served to preserve the wisdom of women's bodies. It's not merely that all men are not rapists.
Rather, it's fair to say that as many men are more comfortable with the female body and female emotional realm than are women, and we can seek them out as people who might be helpful in initiating women as teachers. In any event this is existing knowledge, contained in our DNA, our memories, and our libraries, and it's time to put it to use.
