Laced throughout the literature of spiritualism and occultism is the notion of religion as a kind of science. The idea holds that there's a true religion, or that if religion is practiced truly, there will actually be a result. This may not manifest for you so overtly, though it may show up as a devotion to purity, to sacrifice, or to the notion that faith must in some way make sense. You're a more organic person than this. Yes, I see the appeal of the idea, because the human psyche can be chaotic, and you are in an extended phase that often seems to carry the message grow or die. That is not neat or tidy, though I suggest you not succumb to the idea that your growth somehow depends upon your becoming a perfect person, or living your life perfectly. What you can have, and have plenty of, is faith in yourself. The beauty of faith is that it's not dependent upon any precursor; there is no test you must take in advance. It's just somewhere you allow your mind to go. You know you're there because you have less to worry about, rather than more. You know you're there when your intellect relaxes a bit and accurate information starts coming back to you. You know you're there when you feel more confident but you don't necessarily understand why.