It's often said that fear is misdirected creative energy—though have you ever experienced that discovery for yourself? Remember that theory is not experience, and rationalizing is not a substitute for understanding. If you want to actually prove something, you must actually experiment. What would it mean to choose something you're afraid of, face it, and dance with it? There seem to be two levels of fear operating in you right now. One you can use as an excuse. The other presents some kind of a block. It's difficult to see the real block if you're fixating on the excuse. So you might just pause the story-generation machine and ask yourself what it is you're concerned might happen if you truly confront what you're afraid of. I have an idea what that might be: you might have the fun and pleasure you want to have. You might, as in you would likely, experience the love you say you seek and so often search for. Yet if you did, you would have to rearrange your whole belief system. If you confronted one fear successfully, you would then naturally want to confront the rest of them, since you would then be certain they are a waste of precious time and energy. Now for the real question: Why ever would you hesitate to do that?