You seem to be struggling with some persistent doubt about yourself, which may work out to be a positive thing. I say that because if you're grappling with an issue, you're less likely to be in denial about it—and denial was very likely how you addressed it in the past. Now you have another challenge: framing any issue in a way that actually has the potential for progress. If you've described something the same way for a while and you're not getting results, I suggest you take a different approach. For example, if you're asking "How do I solve this problem" and that's not working, maybe ask "Why do I need this problem?" Then, once you address the need, the situation will change. Speaking of needs, this would be a great time to learn how to express yours. That may involve finding language; it may involve deciding it's okay to speak up; it may involve facing the fear of rejection from someone close to you if you dare to write yourself into the story. Actually, this has a lot to do with relationships, and what you were told your role was supposed to be. That relates to what you expect (and were told to expect) others would do for you, and be for you. Reality is always different from theory, especially where the BS that we're fed about relationships is concerned. Commitment does not mean commitment to another person, but rather a shared devotion to a higher principle than oneself.