You're going through a process of exploring your depths and your shadow side, all as part of a search for something within yourself. It looks almost as if you're searching for self-respect in spite of something, some feeling or idea to the contrary. Yet is this really an approach that you have to take? At a certain point, you must accept and claim your own assets, despite any doubts about yourself that you may have. You will use what you have going for you, despite whatever you might think you lack. While this is not strictly a matter of self-esteem, a habit of doubting or even questioning yourself can in fact block your awareness of your gifts. This is really a choice of whether to focus your awareness on a sense of loss or doubt, or on the incredible wealth you have access to within yourself. If you're not aware of that wealth, let me be the first to tell you it's there, and it's available. You have access to resources—creative, emotional, financial, and many other kinds. Some may belong to others, some may belong to you, some are collective resources. The most precious among them is your ability to feel your worth on a planet where so much is not valued, where so much is plundered and where everything seems to be running out. Having a lot in a time of scarcity could be intimidating, you might want to check in and see if that thought form is influencing you in any way.